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How to be calm in every situation

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Anyone who has interacted with me a bit more knows that I’m generally a pretty calm person and I don’t get angry easily.

I wasn’t always like that.

About 6-7 years ago I was quite easily annoyed and often my emotions controlled me, not them.

I realized that it is not ok to continue like this and I started a series of actions:

  • I started reading articles with titles like “How to control your emotions”
  • The books helped me a lot: “The calm and serene mind” – by Dalai Lama; “The courage not to please others” – by Ichiro Kishimi; “The monk who sold his Ferrari; – by Robin Sharma; “The subtle art of not caring” – by Mark Manson
  • Many long-form videos on YouTube: Ted Talks (Master Shi Heng Yi’s videos)
  • Meditation and self-awareness

Primers are very suitable because they help you figure things out by having examples from the outside.

But we know that real change comes from within.

The last step really helped me. Those moments spent with me helped me understand myself better. They helped me understand my emotions.

Even Monk Dandapani teaches us how to have this experience with ourselves:

Think objectively about your whole world. Look at everything “3D” (as if you were a God or angel watching you from the outside and enjoying/laughing/amazing/shameful at what you do.

When you start to see things with a lot of openness (without limitations imposed by the way you were raised, society, or your current way of being”) you can realize how embarrassing you are, or you can realize that there really is no point in behave or feel what you feel at that moment.


Close your eyes. Imagine that you are in a house where it is completely dark. You have a candle with you and start exploring. Each room represents a feeling you have or have had in the past. Analyze every corner of every room in detail to better understand that feeling.

Start asking yourself questions like:

  • where did this feeling come from? What did I do to him?
  • How can I feel it? How can I make it go away faster?
  • How could I control it?

We live in a continuous presence. The future and the past in reality do not exist. They are just thoughts and pure imagination. When we think about history, different feelings arise and we remain stagnant. When we think about the future, we are already projecting our past and can experience anxiety, fear of the unknown, etc.

It depends a lot on what we focus our attention on in the present moment: are you focusing on the past? in the future? About now?

Our conscious mind can be controlled. But until you get to control she’s like a monkey. It doesn’t sit a bit out of place. Millions of thoughts go through our heads every day. We don’t allow ourselves time to rest. We don’t give ourselves enough time for analysis and reflection. The moment you begin to pay more attention to your inner world as you are to your outer world, you will see a change begin.

That change can be good or bad. It depends on what you focus your attention and thoughts on.


Have you ever noticed when you’re really sad (when you almost want to cry) that the second you focus your attention on something totally different than your own sadness, in those moments you completely forget and it’s like that feeling disappears?

Likewise with feelings of happiness. They can disappear instantly if we start thinking about what is unpleasant.

Now the idea is not to run away from feelings by always trying to think about something else. No way. We just have to feel them. Let’s face them. If we always run away from them we will get stuck.

Other conclusions I have drawn myself from these personal awareness sessions:

  • There will always be disasters in the world. Every second someone might be kidnapped, someone else killed, someone goes through the hardest moments of their life, someone dies of hunger, etc. It is inevitable that these things happen. We can’t save them all. This is the harsh reality, unfortunately. If we always focus on the bad, we will always feel miserable and not give ourselves energy and time to become better ourselves
  • Your current suffering, which for the moment feels like the end of the world to you, is nothing to someone else. Consider that some have their entire family dead. Others suffer from various chronic diseases. It is good to be aware that there is always a greater evil than our current evil, and then we calm down realizing that our situation is not so bad.
  • You are in ultimate control of your thoughts, feelings and actions. No one can control you unless you allow it. And by control I mean those moments when you let yourself get annoyed by someone. Or when someone offends you and you get upset.
  • There’s no point in getting upset. There’s no point focusing on what you can’t control. You can’t control other people. You can’t control the weather.
  • You can’t control government decisions. You can’t control price increases. You can control yourself, control your own situation and turn things in your favor.
  • I gave up watching television from the 9th grade. It’s been more than 10 years since then. Ever since then I have found it useless to watch the news and what others want to show me. I preferred to decide what I wanted to watch myself so I used YouTube more. I was much better off. I recommend that you reduce the consumption of news to the maximum until it is completely eliminated. Believe me, you can live without knowing who else died or what troubles there are in the world. Plus, everything we consume affects us maximally. News causes anxiety and stress.
  • Stress is the main factor that causes diseases such as diabetes, heart disease, cancer and other autoimmune diseases. Stress is not helpful and is among the biggest enemies of your health.
    Now I could write a book about all these things. You could read it 100 times and it wouldn’t help you much.

You need practice. Start practicing. You start to discover what are the best ways/methods for you so that you become a better version of yourself every day.

That’s it. And remember: you have yourself for life. Make this relationship something beautiful.

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